lets get this (IVF) party started!

Obligatory IVF meds picture:





So that's pretty much all of the meds i'll be taking in the next few weeks. I'm excited to get going. 1st lupron shot is tonight @ 9p. i'll be taking 10u sq every night until i hear otherwise from the RE. first ultrasound is scheduled for 2/26.

so far we are excited and hopeful that this will work. i've been here before though, with each new test, each new round of IUI, i had this excited hopefulness and a feeling that whatever we were doing was going to work. i hope we are right this time. i'm so tired of being wrong.

my most sincerest apologies

to all who heard my wrath for talking shit about the mother of the octuplets, or, winner of the Most Giant Uterus in the World competition. last week when everyone was talking smack about IVF and infertility treatments i was not shy in educating the fertiles of the world that "no responsible Dr. in the US would ever transfer 8 healthy embryo's into a women. ever. she must have done IUI and unfortunately that is a risk that you take." i mean, we infertiles have to stick together, right?

my bad.

imagine my surprise when i find out that indeed, this super-slut did undergo IVF, which is why she has so many (6) children before the newest 8 just came along via FET. what the fuck, people? this stupid whore has no job, no husband/partner to help her with her baker's dozen +1, no house, no nothing. except that is, plans on getting everything paid for by the government and tv deals and so on. how in the name of all that is holy did she even afford IVF/FET to begin with?

to make it up to those that i yelled at for being uneducated insensitive asshole's, i vow to punch that bitch right in her perky ovaries if i ever run into her. exactly how i punch her is yet to be determined-a swift punch with 1 fist and brass knuckles, a good old fashioned 1 - 2 punch in each ovary or maybe just a roundhouse kick in that general area.

satan moonlights as a photographer

picture ID's are nothing short of the work of the devil. i hate them. i always look horrific.

i had to get one last week for one of the hospitals that i am doing clinical at. either satan was working the photo ID area on this particular day or someone has a really bad sense of humor. and a knack for photo shopping pictures.

that is what i am blaming the newest atrocity that bears my name anyway. i look like i need a blood transfusion for one. also, the camera added about 35 lbs and 2 extra chins. and the most offending thing about my picture - my nostrils. they are so enormous that it looks as though i could snort my body weight in cocaine in 1 breath.

i can hear my prospective employers now. "yea, she does a great job, but she's too much of a liability, what with her apparent need of continuous blood transfusions and all." or "wow, did you see her giant nostrils in her photo? maybe we should get her some rehab for her nose candy addiction."

gah. oh well. i suppose if the pharmacy keeps fucking with me about my IVF meds i won't have to worry about getting a job in a few months. i'll be in jail because i single handedly beat the shit out of all who have caused me undue stress and anxiety with their own arms.

suck it, company that shall remain nameless

there is a particular cleaner that i am extremely fond of. it's fairly new and my husband and i LOVE it. we originally found it at a grocery store, but they don't carry it anymore. since then i have looked at about 5 different grocery stores and then i finally gave up and emailed the company. i'll be honest and admit that i was hoping that i was charming enough to score some free bottles. you know, for all my time wasted and frustration of not finding it anywhere and whatnot.

not the case. evidently the fine people at this company are a bunch of assholes and do not care that i had a ridiculously hard time finding the said cleaner. here was the first few lines of the response that they sent back to me which, btw, took them 5 days. note to self - enclose picture next time.

"We've all had trouble finding a product at one time or another. This product is available to wholesalers and retailers nationally."

then it goes on and on about how they can't sell directly to me and i should contact all store managers and yadda, yadda, yadda. yea, thanks for nothing. at the end of the email when i was ready to gouge out my eyes there was this gem:

"P.S. If you're a mom who likes learning about new products and sharing your opinions about them, we'd love to hear from you!"

you might be thinking oh no they di'ent! (you know, "didn't", but better) but, i assure you. yes they did. thanks crappy company for reminding me that i am not a mom. and, sure, i'll give you my opinion - you were just upgraded from assholes to donkey fuckers. i hope all of your weiners fall off.

plans and meds

so we met with our RE last monday for the final testing/nurse consultation before starting IVF. we had to sign the same consents again and sit through a 2hr long informative presentation by one of the IVF nurses on how to mix the meds and give the injections. 2 hours. seriously. what. the. fuck. not only are my husband and i both nurses, but i mix life saving medications in the blink of an eye at work. pretty sure i got it covered when i have all the time in the world to figure it out and a dr isn't yelling "where the hell is that epi drip already?!" and, really? the fake cushion to demonstrate a shot? AHHHHH. i mean come on! a painful and wasted 2 hrs. the worst part was she even said "i read that you two are both nurses." read, yes. processed, no.

anywho, we could have started lupron yesterday but i chickened out and my eyes started leaking when the nurse mentioned this in the office. i think we will start sometime in february. i want time to set up w/ the acupuncturist anyway. 3+ shots a day just isn't enough needles for this gal.

the plan so far is:
lupron 10units 1x a day starting on CD 21 until otherwise told to quit.
gonal-f 150units 2x a day starting on CD 3
hcg x1 when my follies are nice and big
progesterone - who the hell knows how much or when yet.
estrogen patches. shit.
i also have a couple of antibiotics and on the plus side, i did score some tylenol w/ codeine. hell to the yeah.

so far this all equals a not fun time for my husband since this concoction is no doubt going to make me ape shit crazy.

old lady at macy's is an asshole

this post is late for 3 reasons:
1. - i am a lazy blogger
2. - blogging at work is prohibited
3. - my husband would have known he was getting some cologne for Christmas

here is the conversation as it went down between myself and the old "lady" working the cologne dept at macy's.

me: hi, i'd like to buy said cologne
old lady: ok, would you like the gift set? it comes with deodorant.
me: no thank you. (my husband has not ever used the extras that are put in the gift sets, ie deodorant, shaving cream, etc.)
old lady: but it's the same price.
me: no, thanks, i just want the cologne.
old lady: but it's the same price.
me: yea, got it, same price. i don't want the gift set, just the cologne. he doesn't use any of that other stuff.
old lady: (said in a disapproving old lady glare staring over top her jeweled glasses) WHAT?! your husband doesn't wear deodorant??!! come on now ma'am!
me: first of all, don't ever call someone who could be your granddaughter "ma'am." second, yes asshole, my husband does wear deodorant. my boyfriend,*(1) however, does not. he's also a whitesnake groupie and eats babies for a bedtime snack. now, be a peach and wrap that shit up for me there granny.


*(1) i don't really have a boyfriend.

*yep, santa is still an asshole. in fact old lady at macy's was probably mrs clause.


*jenn and shan - one of those tickers is for you guys:)

santa is a real asshole

really. i'm over him and his holly jolliness. two saturday's ago i was getting ready to go to my mother's for her Christmas celebration and the sound of firetrucks and horns stopped me in the middle of getting ready. they were in my development and sounded like they were right outside my door. i jumped up in eager delight hoping to see blood and guts (it's the nurse in me) or at the very least a robber running for his life. sadly, it was none of the above. nothing but santa clause on top of a fire truck driving up our cul-de-sac. there was plenty of honking and yelling "Merry Christmas" and jingling of bells. of course the neighborhood kids went running out to see santa and get candy canes that he was throwing.

i stood in my bathroom and cried as i watched the whole scene. happy kids excited to see santa. i cried because we may never have kids that will run down our driveway when santa comes. we won't be the parents smiling and waving from the doorway with our ridiculous holiday sweaters on. i cried until my neck was blotchy and my face was full of snot while my dog howled at the horns. to make myself feel better i tossed around the idea of running outside topless all mardi-gras style for some candy canes, but it was way too cold for my girls, and, i don't think santa would have liked that. you know, just in case he decides to bring me a baby for Christmas. in that case, i take it back, he's not an asshole.