what a difference a line makes

late updates:

we went ahead with the retrieval after finding out that i probably only had 5-7 eggs that would be mature enough. ER was 5/29. 8 eggs were retrieved, 6 were mature and 3 fertilized. we did a 3dt on 6/1 and transferred 2 embryo's. one was already starting to compact and one was an 8 cell. both of them looked very good and we were strongly persuaded not to put all 3 embryo's back since they felt the risk of triplets was too high. so, the third embryo grew a few more days and was frozen 5 days after the ER.

beta was today. it was 686. my clinic likes numbers that are >100. i go back next week for another beta and in 2 weeks for our first u/s. i am officially 4 weeks pregnant today!

i don't even know what to think. i have peed on 9 sticks since 6/10 and all of them have been +, so while it wasn't a shock, it was. i felt like i really couldn't say "i'm pregnant" until after the beta. even now, it seems foreign. but a good foreign.

while we are over the moon excited, i also feel some hesitation for this post. it has been 3 years, 5 IUI's, 2 IVF's, 111 injections (and still going), countless tears and prayers. i know all too well that sinking feeling of reading that yet another person is pregnant. especially after recent failed treatments. i know the feelings of rage, jealousy, hopelessness and unfairness that come from reading about another person's BFP.

i hope that soon all of you ttc will get to feel this too.