Wednesday, March 25, 2009


while i was not planning on poas today, i had to in order to know if i needed to stop the progesterone suppositories or not because lets face it - anything that has "suppository" in the name is not fun. and, like i figured, it was a BFN.

disappointed? yes.
surprised? not at all.

i talked to the IVF nurse and she said to call the office when af comes and i decide when we will be doing the next round of IVF so we can set up the baseline u/s and b/w. i still haven't decided if it will be april or may.

on the bright side, if we wait until may i can get rip-roaring drunk after my last final before graduation and eat all the sushi and soft cheese i want until then.

that's all i got today. over and out.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

8dpiui #5

well, i suppose i'm overdue for a post. not a whole lot going on right now. i had some OHSS last friday, 4 days after the HCG, 2 dpiui. i was pretty sure i was either going to die or my ovaries were trying to claw their way out of my uterus for calling them lazy worthless bitches. i had a horrible case of cramps and had so much fluid in my abdomen that i couldn't breathe or walk right. i also looked, in my opinion, like a dead bloated deer that had been in the sun for a week. dh said 12 weeks pg. whatever, either way it was not good. my pants still scream when i look at them for fear that they will be tortured again.

since starting progesterone i have been wicked irritable. someone sent me a text on sunday night that pissed me off so much that i would have pimp slapped them with their phone had they been anywhere near me. i've also been really tired and pretty much crampy the entire time. and the boobs? they are giant and sore. did i mention really irritable? this progesterone is a bitch and it's turning me into one as well.

*let me just take this time to say that i know full well that all of the above afflictions are from the progesterone and not from being knocked up. kthnxbye

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

somebody kill me please

you know, as in the chorus to the song adam sandler sang (screamed) to drew barrymore in the wedding singer when he was auditioning to play at her wedding?

besides being incredibly disappointed by the cancellation of our 1st IVF, i'm also wicked pissed. and, really, is it any wonder? see below.

1.) i went to acupuncture again today in preparation for the IUI tomorrow. she asked me all kinds of questions, and after doing the usual pulse and tongue check she says to me, "gee, i don't know why you have such a hard time getting pregnant. it shouldn't be this hard. everything looks good."
-yea, bitch, i know it shouldn't, but it is. now how's about you get crack-a-lackin' with the needle jabbing so i can get on my way. and, while you are jamming needles in places that i'm still not convinced they belong; you can say more fun things to me like, "you would be such a great mom" or "golly jeeze, your babies would be so beautiful." really. i'd love it. <-sarcasm.

2.) the way too fucking excited and overly cheery ultrasound tech at my RE's office is also on my list. i like my bitches to keep it real. her over enthusiasm makes me all twitchy. i can't be held accountable for what might happen if this continues. i mean, my legs are already up in holsters and her face isn't that far away. i'm just saying, she might be seeing a boot to the head in our very near future. especially if she tells me again that everything looks just super-duper when all i have is 4 follicles.

3.) the shitty performance from my ovaries. wtf is all i can say about that. well, no, i can say more...they are like the really slow kids in the class that have IEP's and what not and still get D-'s. they need a 'hooked on phonics-getting your shit together and start producing some good follicles already' edition . and a few swift kicks. and more 'roids.

4.) the pictures of the sweet, adorable, delicious babies that are plastered all over the walls that i had to walk past yesterday after speaking with our RE about cancelling our IVF. what's next? actual live adorable babies that i have to fucking step over on my way out the door?

5.) and then there is this ignorant slut:

"please help me because i'm so worried, 5 days ago i sort of had sex with my fiance ( by sort of i mean without penetration ) the problem is that after having orgasm both of us i went to the bathroom to find transparent Secretions with blood drops, this went on till next morning , then after one day i found pink blood in my underwear and every time i go to the toilet i find brown Secretions, my main concern that my fiance had orgasn befor me and when i was finished i couldn't find semen anywhere but in the bathroom it was like soap bubbles when i was washing.
i just want to know why there is blood and where did the semen go
ps. i'm still virgin
he ejected away from the vaginal open"

i found this little gem while i was googling stuff about progesterone b/c the nurses at my RE's office don't like to give info. anyway, ummm, is this a joke? because i tried to strangle myself after reading the first two lines. who is really that awful of a speller? why in the hell is 'secretions' capitalized? while your main concern is the ghost semen, mine is the fact he 'ejected away from the vaginal open,' and the 'soap bubbles.' and, no, my friend - you are not even close to being a virgin. nice try. and stop using the word 'toilet.' it's gross. i hate you. you're a giant asshole.
p.s. good luck with the pregnancy.

Monday, March 9, 2009

well, fuck

we had another appointment today for an ultrasound and blood work. i only had 4 follicles that were worth a damn so we are probably going to cancel this cycle. i wanted to as soon as i heard the low number and our dr confirmed that it would probably be wise to change to an iui cycle in hopes of getting more follicles next time with a different medication protocol. so, we'll just wait on the call from him later to tell us what we are doing for sure and we'll decide later tonight if we even want to do another iui. we've done 4 already and they haven't worked, so i may opt out altogether.

tiffanie 1, IVF 9,654,145,786

Saturday, March 7, 2009

my acupuncturist thinks i'm easy

so i went to my first acupuncture appt a couple of days ago. the lady was really nice. kinda earthy. i liked her, but fully expected her to bust out with some incense and feathers and do a jig around me. she was very thorough and asked a lot of good questions about my health in general and our infertility history. after the interview, pulse checking and tongue inspecting she told me to get undressed down to my bra and underwear and put on a gown that opens to the back.

so, let me take this time to explain that i have not been to a dr for anything the last 3 yrs other than the RE and my once yearly appt with my general dr for my Rx refill for migraine meds. meaning, every time i have been to the dr in the last 3 yrs with the exception of 2 visits, i have had to disrobe from the waist down. everything off, pants, underwear, you get it.

i clearly was not paying attention to what i was doing. i saw the exam table, the paper covering and did what i always do. everything off from the waste down. at the last minute i remembered to put my underwear back on and was in the middle of doing that when she came in. i think she either thinks i am mentally challenged, a giant perv or super easy. she mumbled something about "oh. those can stay on honey" and went about her business. ahhhh. i felt like an asshole. sorry, acupuncture lady. i will try harder to keep my lady bits under control and under wraps from now on.

as far as my dr's appt on friday - i had 5 follicles on the left and 3 follicles on the right all measuring between 10mm and 13mm with some smaller follicles that are lagging behind. my E2 level was up to 275. it still doesn't sound that great to me, but they are keeping me on the same dosage of gonal-f and lupron and will see me again on monday. they have stopped telling me a prospective ER day.

Monday, March 2, 2009

stim check, day 3.5

we had our 2nd appt for an u/s and blood work yesterday. according to the ultrasound tech my uterus looked fine, i had 3 follicles <10 on my right ovary and 5 follicles <10mm on lefty. i would have been annoyed with the small number of follicles and my underachieving ovaries, but the tech said they don't get hung up on the number of follicles at this appt, it's more to make sure that i am responding and that my E2 level is ok. my E2 level was a shitty 47, up from 15 before starting stims. this level isn't great, as a matter of fact, it's borderline worthless.

so, next appt is scheduled for friday, which will be day 8 of stims. i just called the IVF nurse back today b/c i am still freaking out about the low E2 level and she said they will decide if this cycle will be cancelled on friday or if we need to adjust meds. i asked yesterday after the call about the E2 level and again today if they wanted to change my meds now and the answer both times was a big fat 'no and please stop bothering me, you crazy IVF girl, i've got people with a real chance at success to deal with here.'

i also tried to get some info about acupuncture since my RE's office has a in-house acupuncturist. the useless receptionist was no help and i feel dumber after talking to her. she also eluded that i an extremely irresponsible IVF patient b/c i should have been doing acupuncture this whole time. duh. here's a fun sample of what i dealt with for 8 minutes before i had to hang up and bang my head on the table.

question 1: when should i get my first acupuncture treatment?
shitty useless answer: you should have already had it. many people come here for months before they start IVF.

question 2: what is the recommended # of times to have acupuncture when undergoing IVF?
shitty useless answer: it really depends on what your problem is. that will be discussed at your first appt.

question 3: how exactly does acupuncture help, other than increase bloodflow and decrease stress?
shitty useless answer: it really depends on what your problem is. that will be discussed at your first appt.

question 4: will i be able to schedule an appt when i find out when my ET will be since it's kinda last minute?
shitty useless answer: it really depends on what your problem is. that will be discussed at your first appt. we'll try to fit you in.

so, super. all i know after that conversation is that the lady answering the phones is a useless bitch, each session is $100, i am already a bad mother according to her. she would probably blame my shitty E2 on my lack of acupuncture from age 5 up til now. i gave up on having acupuncture at that place other than the day of ET if we make it that far. i will have an acupuncture treatment right before the ET and then again right after. in the meantime i will be having acupuncture by a far nicer lady that is closer to my house anyway. first appt is today.

as far as any side effects i am having - the lupron has made me excruciatingly tired from the beginning and continues to do so. i also have a weird constant headache that never really goes away, but gets better/worse intermittently. the gonal f causes more hot flashes than i had w/ the lupron and slight irritability. my skin is wicked dry, and i'm not sure who the culprit is on that one. i also seem to have some laxative effects from the gonal-f which i don't recall from taking it before. but, i see it as win/win. i'm getting some (hopefully) good follicles and possibly losing some weight. bring it.

tiffanie 1, IVF 1 (shitty E2)