Tuesday, August 18, 2009

pregnancy announcements: still asshole-y in my book

i've wondered how pregnancy announcements would make me feel now that i am pregnant. i would like to say that i am happy and cheery and all "yippy ki-yaay motherfucker!" about it, but i'm not. twice now, i have failed the test.

pregnancy announcement #1
it came from an asshole at work. i mean a giant asshole of a person in every sense of the word. she was walking around with a pregnancy book when she was 5 minutes pregnant (really. she was only 4 weeks.) and acted all coy when someone asked her if she was pregnant. "oh, you weren't supposed to see that!" accompanied by a blink blink, sheepish asshole smile. hmmm, i thought that was the point of you reading it through your entire shift while you should be taking care of your patients and carrying it with the title facing outward so everyone could see it? this person is a special kind of asshole-dickhead combo in my book, for many reasons.

pregnancy announcement #2
this one actually makes me feel bad about myself. it came from a dear friend. this girl is like a sister to me. we were in undergrad together and that was a kind of unbearable torture that if it weren't for her and a few other's, i wouldn't have made it.

with that being said, i haven't talked to her in months. she lives in another country for part of the year. i can't reach her by phone and she does not know about my pregnancy, but she does know that we have been trying for 3 yrs and needed IVF. i got an email from her yesterday. it went like this "blah, blah, blah, my sister is due in october and, hey, i'm due in march! we were just going to see what happened and we got pregnant the minute we tried!"

ok. ok, ok, ok. i would like to say that my initial reaction was nothing but happy for her but i would be lying. i was maybe 50% happy, 25% wtf?, 25% jealous/confused. i would never wish infertility issues on anyone, but really? the first freaking month of knockin' boots for any reason other than fun and it works for you? what??! and to announce it all in my face not knowing that i was pregnant too? ouch. i felt that all too familiar knife in the heart/kick in the gut feeling all over again.

i guess i just can't imagine how that would be. getting pregnant easily will never be our life. how perfectly amazing to not have to try. to never have to feel the disappointment month after month. to never have fear and doubt settle in that maybe there is a problem and maybe, just maybe, you will never have a child with the person you love most in the world. to never have been ttc so long that it is just ridiculous to measure the time in anything other than years.

i cannot imagine a pregnancy where the happiness of making it this far isn't overshadowed by the constant, intense worry that something might go wrong. and the worry that if God forbid something did go wrong that i won't have the strength to go through another 3 years of ttc if that is what it would take.

a day later, i really am completely happy for my friend. it just takes awhile to get all the way there.


Anonymous said...

I feel the same. Even now pregnant myself I can't totally shake the feeling of envy when someone announces their pregnancy after only a few months of trying.

Jill said...

I think it's more the WAY the announcements were made than the fact that they were made that made you mad. I got mad just reading it!!! And your co-worker? Can I punch her in the face?

Tina said...

I think it is the shock of the announcement along with the easiness that some people have that gets me the worst. Even though we a pregnant now, I still have that twinge of jealousy that people didn't have to struggle.

I would have shoved her pregnancy book somewhere where the sun don't shine!!!

Kate said...

Wow, your reactions are totally understandable in both situations. Your friend should have been more sensitive. Sure, mention that you're pregnant, but don't say that you had sex once and bang.
And the coworker? Sounds like a tool. How do you work in an ICU and sit around smugly reading a pg book during your shift. And then act all coy about it. Grrr. Maybe she should have just brought the pee stick in to wave in everyone's face.
At least it would have been way worse if you weren't already pg yourself. Might be slightly easier to let things ride when you have your own joy to focus on.

'Murgdan' said...

I can imagine that....but mostly I just like the word 'asshole-y", and the division of percentages in your reaction.

Also, my wordle is 'chemo'...WTF?

Rambler said...

Both frustrating announcements. But for some reason, #2 bugs me more. I had a friend say that to me once. "Oh, we had to get pregnant within these 2 months or wait until the next school year". And yes, of course they got pregnant exactly like they planned. Lovely.

Beautiful Mess said...

I don't know if the jealousy feelings ever go away. I envy the gals who get pregnant right away or by accident and start doing up the nursery and buying baby stuff right away.

You should punch the asshole at work in the face. Her face isn't pregnant ya know? Just sayin....

Kristin said...

I think you did amazingly well given the manner those announcements were made in.

And, when you've been in the trenches of infertility, it can be hard to stomach those happy, happy, joy, joy announcements. I felt like a total schmuck when I felt insanely jealous over an oops pregnancy a dear friend of mine had. Luckily, I hid that reaction well.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy is uneventful and, hopefully, joyful.


Alison said...

i've often had to restrain myself from kicking those girls who brag about "oops" or "we weren't really trying" or "we just started trying" and then my absolute favorite "it was so easy i don't know what you've been complaining about!" i think Husband may of had to physically restrain me on that one...
Congrats and I don't think it ever gets easier to see people who easily get preggers.



WiseGuy said...

LOL...I was actually laughing at how stupid that idiot colleague of yours is...I hate the fake plastic look of surprise and that icky coyness. I would have slapped her bum...gently.

Congrats to your friend.

All the very best to you!

Cassandra said...

Here from ICLW...

Absolutely asshole-y. With every announcement I have tried so hard to be sensitive to anything the person may be going through, because I've been on the other side too many times.

DH has a lifelong friend whose wife is now pregnant; I'd posted on my blog a while back about how they explicitly said three times during the wedding how many children they plan to have, including during the vows (already asshole-y).

Today DH's sister said, "Oh, I hear they're pregnant? Yeah, his sister posted that she's going to be an aunt on Facebook."

Assholiness, not just for preggos anymore.