confirmation that God does indeed hate me.....

1. i had to take care of a 14 month old patient thurs and fri who, coincidentally, had a very pregnant mother. i got to watch her 9 month pregnant ass parade around the hospital room walking like an asshole and then exaggerate the process of getting up out of the chair. every. single. time. bah.

2. we rented a movie on saturday that had no indication that there was going to be talk of having children. but there was. it sent me over the edge and i was crying like an asshole. in my defense, i had just had a crying fit b/c my husband was watching the horse races and i got all upset thinking about the poor horses and how terrible the whole sport is. i love animals - much more than people actually. i wish they had a nurse practitioner degree for cats, dogs, horses and giraffes. i would totally switch.

3. we also rented juno. obviously i knew that it involved a pregnant chick. then she made comment to jennifer garner about how she was lucky she wasn't pregnant or something. i immediately cringed. you know, cringed like when someone asks "what did you do last night" and someone else answer's "your mom." only the person's mom is dead, so it's really uncomfortable and not at all funny.

4. while watching the movie i happened to look out the window and sitting on our deck was a big fat pregnant dove. really, bird? really?! you are even in on this conspiracy to make my life shitty? i hate birds and i hope you are all itchy from lice. and ha - no epidural for you, you bragging bitch.

5. my hairstylist, who is a dude, apparently had a sperm count of zero at one time. how do i know this? b/c the very first time i went to him he asked if i had kids and said that we were trying and pretty much ended up telling him my whole story the first day and i also heard his. zero sperm count. any who, he knows that our only issue so far seems to be with me and my endometriosis. wednesday when i went he says to me, "you're not gonna believe it - i have a sperm count." he then says that his wife also had a LAP and found she has endo too. then, like a true asshole, he says "i'm so relieved it's not me. that was a horrible feeling." i really had to fight to not rip the foil out of my hair and asphyxiate him with it, but in the end i thought of what was important - my hair. if he didn't want a tip, he should have just said so, he didn't have to be a dick about it.

6. i saw my regular dr on monday for a migraine that i had for 6 days straight and she was asking general questions on my health and if anything had changed since i last saw her a yr ago. i informed her i had a LAP for endo in sept. she then says, "well, you must be REALLY fertile now, huh?!" i said, "do i look 8 months pregnant to you?" apparently she is aware that she is not working for tips.