Tuesday, May 13, 2008

entended LOA from IF

well, i had thought we were taking a small break from ttc until like this summer, summer of '08, when i was on a break from classes starting at the end of july and after we switched RE's. did i mention summer of '08? anyway, saturday my husband drops the ball that he would like to wait until i am done with school to pursue IVF. huh?! was all i could say and then cry like an asshole. partly b/c i was devastated, mostly b/c i had drank half a bottle of pinot noir and half a bottle of champagne. for a couple of minutes i was scared and sad. and pissed. he said that he hadn't really given the whole infertility treatments thing much thought until now, which also made me not so happy. every month i had sat down with him and explained where we were at, what our options were and what i wanted to do based on preference and speaking w/ the RE. he would usually agree with what i said and be done with it. so, it didn't surprise me when he admitted that he didn't really think too much about stuff, it just surprised me that he actually said it and how crappy it sounded out loud.

anyway, before anyone decides to park in our development and run him down the first chance they get, i should say that he redeemed himself by saying how much he wanted to be a part of the pregnancy and enjoy it with me. he wanted us to have our best chance at making it work, meaning wait til i'm done with school and do everything right. he said "how will i get to rub your belly and read to it if you are gone every night working or in class?" that was the cutest, sweetest thing ever and it meant alot, b/c like i said, it wasn't a secret that he hadn't been very opinionated about treatment. it was nice to hear that he wanted to be a part of everything. and, in his defense, he is really very sweet - brings me flowers for no reason, does little cute things to make my day better and, after all, got me 10 pairs of shoes for my b-day.

so, while i would like to not wait, it does make the most sense. i can finish my final and most hectic year in school with little or no bloating/vomiting, have a real good time for my next b-day - which is a big one, go to a conference in san diego in march that i really wanted to attend and come home and drink any time i want to from a crappy day. it is the best plan, i just have never been good at being patient. for that reason i think i have him talked into maybe starting IVF again around mar-apr '09:) we are still planning on keeping the appt with the new RE on 6/5 to get our foot in the door and see what he has to say about our situation. i'm fairly certain i will have to have another lap by then, but oh well i guess. at least i am guaranteed some percocet after the surgery.

on the upside, until we start trying again i get to hear the things every ttc'er just loves. by loves, i mean it makes me want to grab the nearest sharp object i see and jam it repeatedly into my ear drums until i am deaf, deaf, deaf. ex:

1. "oh, you should have just said you were going to adopt. like 6 people in my dept. said they we done trying and started filling out the paperwork and then they ended up pregnant."
-really asshole? who and where are these people? because i know a lot of people and i don't seem to know any of the said breed that instantly becomes pregnant upon filling out adoption paperwork. you are a real fucker.

2. "you'll prob get pregnant as soon as you are done with school and not so stressed out."
-stop talking right now. really, just stop. if you don't i will punch you in the neck. clearly you have not been paying attn to anything, or you have some serious problems with short term memory loss and/or are illiterate. we had been trying long before school and stress was in the picture. dick.

3. "i bet you are pregnant right now, or will be soon because you stopped trying."
-how lucky/confident are you feeling with your bet there, ace? because i will see you your shitty bet and raise you a Maserati. that is just how unlucky/confident i am feeling. suck it.

3 comments:

Hollie said...

HI Tiffanie!
We have very similar histories (many IUIs, TTC 2+ years, etc). We just finished IVF/ICSI #1= BFN. :(
We are now planning IVF/ICSI #2 for July.
I wish you luck on your journey! I'll check back on your blog soon to see how you're doing and if you decide on another IUI or IVF.

Hollie said...

I just read your most recent post again and see you will be seeing an RE to discuss future plans/IVF. No more IUI's then?
I TOTALLY AGREE with the quote you hate. I'm so sick of hearing shit like that. This whole IF thing is totally exhausting. NO ONE gets how awful it is unless they've been through it.

~Hollie said...

People named Hollie, Just love your blog!! :) The part about how your dh reacted with things, it sounds so familiar. I think that was the hardest thing to swallow, men acting so totally different from women in this situation. I think we want the same thing,just depends on how we look at the risks. Risks meaning emotional, financial, and health.
BTW- my dh is an RN in ICU, but big people ICU. Good for you, going to school to be an NP. The world needs many many more people like you. You truly touch the world.