Friday, May 30, 2008

be on the lookout

yesterday i went to the grocery store after class at approx 8:30pm. i made the mistake of sitting in my car to finish listening to a song on the radio. apparently that made me fair game and put a target on my back because i saw an old woman looking at me from across the parking lot and walk towards me but didn't really think anything of it. until i was half bent over looking at something on the floor of the passengers side and i hear a knocking on the glass that scarred the crap out of me. it was said old woman and she shoved something in my face when i opened the door. now, you should know that when confronted unexpectedly by strangers i instantly turn into a retard and can't articulate well and also can only read about every 4th word of what is being presented b/c i am all nervous that i am going to get shanked or someone is going to kidnap me by putting a smelly rag over my face.

anyhoodle, the thingy she gave me was some sort of a small magnifying glass, i think, on a piece of paper that said something to the effect of "i am deaf. give me your $." well, i immediately start talking to her and then realize she can't hear me which only makes me fumble around like more of a nervous asshole. i was trying to tell her i didn't have any money on me b/c my husband found us a credit card that we get points for the more we spend so that is usually all that i carry. so i just reached into my pocket and pulled out my credit card and said "i'm sorry, this is all i have." that old woman then looked at me and rolled her eyes, snatched her glass/paper thing out of my hand, sighed and stomped away. yeeesh, sorry gram!

so, i got to thinking: if she can do that b/c she is deaf, why can't i do it to raise $ for IVF? so, if any of you see me passing out pictures of a good little cooperative uterus or some perky ovaries, than you better cough up something. preferably large unmarked bills. and if you don't i will give you the stink eye, which may or may not cause you to catch my infertility. you probably shouldn't chance it though.

also, i wish more people were like myself. by that i mean carry credit or debit cards. nothing is more infuriating than being in a store and having to wait on someone to count out all of their g*damn coins to get the EXACT amount that their bill is or having to wait on someone to write out their ENTIRE check only AFTER they learn what their total is. wtf, assholes? it's great that you have all damn day to write out checks, but i certainly don't have all damn day to wait for you to do so. why can't they at least write who the check is to, their name and the date? it's not like any of those things are dependant on the amt they are spending. maddening.


Jen said...

I'd give you money if you came to my car window! Are you going to pretend to be deaf AND infertile? Because that right there would be a money maker!

I only use credit cards. I hate when people count out exact change. Or worse: write checks! AHHHHHHHHHH get a fucking debit card, people!

andrea said...

i think it sounds like a GREAT plan! i mean really... everybody's doing it these days.