top 2 things i'd prefer to avoid, like the plague -

1. baby showers (obviously)
2. children's b-day parties
~these will be # 14 and 15, of my ongoing list~


the latter didn't bother me so much until the beginning of the year. it's bad enough that i am around kids all damn day at work and school, but then to have to spend my free time with them too? not generally something i look forward to unless there is alcohol involved. and this party had none. wtf? no alcohol at a child's b-day party? lame!

yesterday we went to the b-day party of a cousin's little girl. she's 5 and had a ton of other kids there, including some under 1yr old. i probably would have been ok, having learned my lesson at the last baby's b-day party i was at which was:

*don't stand too close to the adorable baby smashing it's b-day cake all around or it will cause you to erupt into ridiculous amounts of tears that once started are hard to stop b/c it is another reminder that maybe one day you'll have a baby of your own to watch smash it's cake, but maybe you won't.*

so, i stood far enough back and half heartedly sang and the day would have been semi-tolerable had i not welled up w/ tears on approximately 6 other occasions. the first incident was when i saw the look on my husband's face when talking to a baby. such a genuinely sweet look comes across his face. i've seen that look many times, but only when there is a baby or small child in sight. nothing i can do brings that look and i'm afraid it will always be this way. so, once i start the water works, it's easier for them to keep coming. luckily though i didn't have to run and hide to pull myself together. i resorted to texting my very adorable and very snarky friend, jk, and all was good again.

one plus of the day was that since i didn't know many people at the party i only had to endure one question of 'how's the IF treatment going, or when are you having kids' it was more of a "how is everything going?" question with a sad face and head turned to the side with a nod. which, i completely ignored what they were really asking and yammered on about work, school, how quickly grass seems to grow, etc.

and, yes, i am aware this is completely ridiculous, but it is what it is.