Wednesday, April 23, 2008

things not good about today....

1. i could not sleep b/c the second i did go to sleep and started dreaming, i dreamt that snakes with legs were chasing me (i suppose that makes them alligators if you want to get all technical on my ass) and my inability to scream.

2. i found out that a preceptor of mine for clinicals is pregnant (with her 3rd). great, should be just a super fun time for me in clinical the next 4 months listening to her pregnancy stories. too bad, i really did like her too. another one bites the dust.

3. the people in the PNP program, only 6 of us, had to go to NEOUCOM today for pelvic exams and dude exams. this was beyond barfy for the following reasons:

a. the dude was old, shorter than me and balding. he was also uncircumcised. also had no problem with showing off his less than impressive skin flute and it's 2 angry friends. i got the distinct feeling from his numerous retarded questions that he wanted to make us examine more of him. what dude-checking for testicular CA and having me tell you to turn your had and cough while i jam my fingers up into God knows where isn't enough for you? for the love of everything that is holy man!

b. for the female pelvic exams we had 2 older women. older like in their late 50's at least. one of them told us how to do the exam and the other one was the one we were doing the exam on. first of all, yuck. i hate everything about vagina's. everything. i can barely stand my own, or even the word 'vagina' for that matter. anyway, this older lady just layed on the table w/ all her glory hanging out for all 6 of us to see at once. again, yuck. i have a new found respect for the vag dr's out there. what made it particularly horrific was that the "model" and i do use that term loosely, was not shaved - anywhere. now, had i signed up for a 3hr viewing of my "hey na-na-na" i would have made damn sure to have the hedges clipped. not her - full on fur bikini that extended to her ankles. wtf? shaving her legs in the last 4 months was apparently too much to ask. then, her and her co-hort were WAY to into the gyney exams. there was absolutely no reason that it took the 6 of us nearly 3hrs to do 1 exam each on her. no reason at all. oh, and she had a cute little toilet paper dingle berry to her R vag/butt cheek area. just darling. had she taken the what i feel is necessary grooming precautions, this could have been prevented. we also had to check her anal canal - with 1 finger inserted into it as well as her vag at the same time to feel for abnormalities. barf. barf. barf. tonight i will be wishing for dreams of a snake with legs to be chasing me compared to the nightmare's i am sure to have now.

4. my clothes still fit like shit. am still fat. will eat away sorrows.

5. what i had to eat today: breakfast - can of mountain dew and med fries from mcdonald's. lunch - med coke, small fries and 2 apple pies and a choc chip cookie from mcdonald's. dinner: 2 chicken soft taco's and a can of mountain dew. what?

6. nearly died from carbon monoxide poisoning while in drive-through at t-bell. dude's car in front of me emitting wicked fumes. smelly car ended up dying at the pay window, right in front of me. had to watch retard get out of car and push it the rest of the way through the drive-through then jump in real fast before it rolled into oncoming traffic. delayed eating of taco's for 5 minutes. did not appreciate this.

7. and last but not least, my grandfather, whom i love dearly and miss like crazy passed away 1 year ago today.

things that convinced me not the rip my throat out today:

1. my deoderant appeared to hold up to the days events.

2. after class was done around 10:20 pm i went w/ some friends and had a nice delicious tall glass of blue moon. mmmmm.

3. i have 2 re-runs of The Office on my DVR to watch tonight!

4. the "P" in pnp stands for 'pediatric' nurse practitioner. not 'proctology' nurse practioner. otherwise, there would have been alot more disgusting digital/rectal penetration today. something i'm afraid i am just not up for friends.


Jen said...

OK, I am suffering from trauma after the vag story.

And hey, cheer up! At least you switched to Taco Bell for dinner instead of having all three squares from Micky Dee's! That's something to hang your hat on!

jenn said...

I'm still paying for the inhalation of a large Mickey D's fries in 6 seconds flat. Yet, nothing seems to relieve the pain of the VA-JAY-JAY and A-HOLE we had to "inspect" on Tuesday...I am, as we speak, trying to dull the pain with some Watermelon Three O's and Redbull...almost there, not quite...have you even look at Peg's final yet...HOLY FREAKIN SHIT, dude...glad to hear hear that our 'outings' after class are keeping you alive, cuz same goes here, dude...are we hitting that dive bar next week???

Shannon said...

I can't stop crying. This is so true and you put it into words so nicely. I had nightmares lastnight about vir-gi-na's! Asolutely gross me out. Jenn was right about post traumatic stress...especially with the SHOCKER! I'm glad we hit the bars after class. I'm all up for the dive this week!!

andrea said...

i am preetty sure i met your 'models' during my exams as well - the 'com knowws how to pick um! [i still can't figure out why you'd sign up!]

and i understand your vag-dislike, i had to do that exam twice already and am dreading ob nxt yr...