so we met with our RE last monday for the final testing/nurse consultation before starting IVF. we had to sign the same consents again and sit through a 2hr long informative presentation by one of the IVF nurses on how to mix the meds and give the injections. 2 hours. seriously. what. the. fuck. not only are my husband and i both nurses, but i mix life saving medications in the blink of an eye at work. pretty sure i got it covered when i have all the time in the world to figure it out and a dr isn't yelling "where the hell is that epi drip already?!" and, really? the fake cushion to demonstrate a shot? AHHHHH. i mean come on! a painful and wasted 2 hrs. the worst part was she even said "i read that you two are both nurses." read, yes. processed, no.
anywho, we could have started lupron yesterday but i chickened out and my eyes started leaking when the nurse mentioned this in the office. i think we will start sometime in february. i want time to set up w/ the acupuncturist anyway. 3+ shots a day just isn't enough needles for this gal.
the plan so far is:
lupron 10units 1x a day starting on CD 21 until otherwise told to quit.
gonal-f 150units 2x a day starting on CD 3
hcg x1 when my follies are nice and big
progesterone - who the hell knows how much or when yet.
estrogen patches. shit.
i also have a couple of antibiotics and on the plus side, i did score some tylenol w/ codeine. hell to the yeah.
so far this all equals a not fun time for my husband since this concoction is no doubt going to make me ape shit crazy.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
old lady at macy's is an asshole
this post is late for 3 reasons:
1. - i am a lazy blogger
2. - blogging at work is prohibited
3. - my husband would have known he was getting some cologne for Christmas
here is the conversation as it went down between myself and the old "lady" working the cologne dept at macy's.
me: hi, i'd like to buy said cologne
old lady: ok, would you like the gift set? it comes with deodorant.
me: no thank you. (my husband has not ever used the extras that are put in the gift sets, ie deodorant, shaving cream, etc.)
old lady: but it's the same price.
me: no, thanks, i just want the cologne.
old lady: but it's the same price.
me: yea, got it, same price. i don't want the gift set, just the cologne. he doesn't use any of that other stuff.
old lady: (said in a disapproving old lady glare staring over top her jeweled glasses) WHAT?! your husband doesn't wear deodorant??!! come on now ma'am!
me: first of all, don't ever call someone who could be your granddaughter "ma'am." second, yes asshole, my husband does wear deodorant. my boyfriend,*(1) however, does not. he's also a whitesnake groupie and eats babies for a bedtime snack. now, be a peach and wrap that shit up for me there granny.
*(1) i don't really have a boyfriend.
*yep, santa is still an asshole. in fact old lady at macy's was probably mrs clause.
*jenn and shan - one of those tickers is for you guys:)
1. - i am a lazy blogger
2. - blogging at work is prohibited
3. - my husband would have known he was getting some cologne for Christmas
here is the conversation as it went down between myself and the old "lady" working the cologne dept at macy's.
me: hi, i'd like to buy said cologne
old lady: ok, would you like the gift set? it comes with deodorant.
me: no thank you. (my husband has not ever used the extras that are put in the gift sets, ie deodorant, shaving cream, etc.)
old lady: but it's the same price.
me: no, thanks, i just want the cologne.
old lady: but it's the same price.
me: yea, got it, same price. i don't want the gift set, just the cologne. he doesn't use any of that other stuff.
old lady: (said in a disapproving old lady glare staring over top her jeweled glasses) WHAT?! your husband doesn't wear deodorant??!! come on now ma'am!
me: first of all, don't ever call someone who could be your granddaughter "ma'am." second, yes asshole, my husband does wear deodorant. my boyfriend,*(1) however, does not. he's also a whitesnake groupie and eats babies for a bedtime snack. now, be a peach and wrap that shit up for me there granny.
*(1) i don't really have a boyfriend.
*yep, santa is still an asshole. in fact old lady at macy's was probably mrs clause.
*jenn and shan - one of those tickers is for you guys:)
Monday, December 22, 2008
santa is a real asshole
really. i'm over him and his holly jolliness. two saturday's ago i was getting ready to go to my mother's for her Christmas celebration and the sound of firetrucks and horns stopped me in the middle of getting ready. they were in my development and sounded like they were right outside my door. i jumped up in eager delight hoping to see blood and guts (it's the nurse in me) or at the very least a robber running for his life. sadly, it was none of the above. nothing but santa clause on top of a fire truck driving up our cul-de-sac. there was plenty of honking and yelling "Merry Christmas" and jingling of bells. of course the neighborhood kids went running out to see santa and get candy canes that he was throwing.
i stood in my bathroom and cried as i watched the whole scene. happy kids excited to see santa. i cried because we may never have kids that will run down our driveway when santa comes. we won't be the parents smiling and waving from the doorway with our ridiculous holiday sweaters on. i cried until my neck was blotchy and my face was full of snot while my dog howled at the horns. to make myself feel better i tossed around the idea of running outside topless all mardi-gras style for some candy canes, but it was way too cold for my girls, and, i don't think santa would have liked that. you know, just in case he decides to bring me a baby for Christmas. in that case, i take it back, he's not an asshole.
i stood in my bathroom and cried as i watched the whole scene. happy kids excited to see santa. i cried because we may never have kids that will run down our driveway when santa comes. we won't be the parents smiling and waving from the doorway with our ridiculous holiday sweaters on. i cried until my neck was blotchy and my face was full of snot while my dog howled at the horns. to make myself feel better i tossed around the idea of running outside topless all mardi-gras style for some candy canes, but it was way too cold for my girls, and, i don't think santa would have liked that. you know, just in case he decides to bring me a baby for Christmas. in that case, i take it back, he's not an asshole.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
trolls and hobbits - oh my
for some reason grad school requires you to have several classes where you must work in groups. i find it ludicrous and extremely annoying. i'm almost 30 for cripes sake, i don't feel like i need to bond with other's over paper writing and project planning.
i've never been good at forced groups. i first found this out in kindergarten when i was forced to sit next to mark the extremely fat kid who breathed all gross, ate glue and had 2 different colored eyes; john, the token smelly booger-picker/eater; and christine, the ratty looking girl whose mother had not yet taught her daughter, or possibly learned herself, about the importance of shampoo and a comb. i was moved after 1 week of refusing to participate in any activities with them b/c, ewww, gross. (1)
then again when i was 8 i was reminded of this fact when i was kicked out of girl scouts after 3 weeks, which was totally fine by me. apparently i have been a smart ass most of my life as i was booted for making fun of some stupid ceremony that we had to do, refusing to hold hands and sing songs in a circle and probably having a general disdain for the entire organization. i only joined b/c we got to get out of class early on some days and it was easy access to my beloved somoas. (2)
which leads me to now. i now have to work w/ 4 other people that i was randomly assigned to (with the exception of 1) to write numerous papers and conjure up all kinds of research crap and plans for implementing new program plans based on what our research shows and blah blah blah. 2 of the girls are straight up useless, lazy dickheads and another, the troll, is a condescending asshole. i understand that she is in a constant state of pissy-ness, what with God making her so ugly and stupid and the fact that pro-active was clearly not an option for her 50 years ago, but really bitch? you're going to send me an email and tell me to use my g-damn spell check b/c your fucking hobbit husband read our paper and said i misspelled words? fuck you and your hobbit. i did use spell check you stupid bitch. had you read the paper yourself instead of having your husband do it while you filed down your horns, you would see that spell check is unfamiliar with much of the medical terminology that was used, as is someone who forages for their food under rotting tree bark and piles of shit. you are a lazy worthless cow. and your disgusting face looks like you belong in a wax museum that lost its air conditioning. oh, and ps - what the fuck is up with your hair, dude. flock of seagulls ring a bell?
1-names have been changed to protect their identity, but i still remeber them
2-true story
i've never been good at forced groups. i first found this out in kindergarten when i was forced to sit next to mark the extremely fat kid who breathed all gross, ate glue and had 2 different colored eyes; john, the token smelly booger-picker/eater; and christine, the ratty looking girl whose mother had not yet taught her daughter, or possibly learned herself, about the importance of shampoo and a comb. i was moved after 1 week of refusing to participate in any activities with them b/c, ewww, gross. (1)
then again when i was 8 i was reminded of this fact when i was kicked out of girl scouts after 3 weeks, which was totally fine by me. apparently i have been a smart ass most of my life as i was booted for making fun of some stupid ceremony that we had to do, refusing to hold hands and sing songs in a circle and probably having a general disdain for the entire organization. i only joined b/c we got to get out of class early on some days and it was easy access to my beloved somoas. (2)
which leads me to now. i now have to work w/ 4 other people that i was randomly assigned to (with the exception of 1) to write numerous papers and conjure up all kinds of research crap and plans for implementing new program plans based on what our research shows and blah blah blah. 2 of the girls are straight up useless, lazy dickheads and another, the troll, is a condescending asshole. i understand that she is in a constant state of pissy-ness, what with God making her so ugly and stupid and the fact that pro-active was clearly not an option for her 50 years ago, but really bitch? you're going to send me an email and tell me to use my g-damn spell check b/c your fucking hobbit husband read our paper and said i misspelled words? fuck you and your hobbit. i did use spell check you stupid bitch. had you read the paper yourself instead of having your husband do it while you filed down your horns, you would see that spell check is unfamiliar with much of the medical terminology that was used, as is someone who forages for their food under rotting tree bark and piles of shit. you are a lazy worthless cow. and your disgusting face looks like you belong in a wax museum that lost its air conditioning. oh, and ps - what the fuck is up with your hair, dude. flock of seagulls ring a bell?
1-names have been changed to protect their identity, but i still remeber them
2-true story
Thursday, November 20, 2008
to stim or not to stim
a couple of weeks ago i thought i had our whole infertile plan (re)-figured out. i got a really bad case of the "i-need-to-try-IVF-now-to-know-if-it-will-work-or-not-or-i-will-have-to-throw-myself-in-front-of-a-bus." i counted out my cycle days no less than 1,467,238 times and concluded that we could fit in a IVF in december right before Christmas. i mean, our deductible was met w/ insurance for the year, so why not, right?
it sounded right and i was so excited for about 10 minutes. then my fear of not finding a job after i graduate in may set in. and something that i found extremely annoying was that the RE that i go to, who is a large practice w/ many RE's, closes the office the entire week of Christmas and new years. wtf is that all about? long story short, we decided to wait until april-may for sure. for sure. i mean it this time. april-may, that's our time. really.
unless i decide to change my mind again because i am impatient. and crazed.
so, i suppose that our decision to wait should make me less fertile-intolerant? i think the first test that i failed was hearing that the pregnant man, who everyone knows is really a woman, is pregnant again. really? i mean (s)he just had a baby in june. and again? now? pregnant? i get it, everyone has the right to start a family, and blah blah blah, but really? i find it as annoying as those fertile superstars, the duggars. it's not so much the fact that (s)he is pregnant again, it's more the fact that i have to see this bearded lady all pregnant again. and, if i'm being honest? it kinda creeps me out. and, i can't even be held accountable for what i might be capable of if i hear anymore about his mangina or duderus.
it sounded right and i was so excited for about 10 minutes. then my fear of not finding a job after i graduate in may set in. and something that i found extremely annoying was that the RE that i go to, who is a large practice w/ many RE's, closes the office the entire week of Christmas and new years. wtf is that all about? long story short, we decided to wait until april-may for sure. for sure. i mean it this time. april-may, that's our time. really.
unless i decide to change my mind again because i am impatient. and crazed.
so, i suppose that our decision to wait should make me less fertile-intolerant? i think the first test that i failed was hearing that the pregnant man, who everyone knows is really a woman, is pregnant again. really? i mean (s)he just had a baby in june. and again? now? pregnant? i get it, everyone has the right to start a family, and blah blah blah, but really? i find it as annoying as those fertile superstars, the duggars. it's not so much the fact that (s)he is pregnant again, it's more the fact that i have to see this bearded lady all pregnant again. and, if i'm being honest? it kinda creeps me out. and, i can't even be held accountable for what i might be capable of if i hear anymore about his mangina or duderus.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
and, just like that...i'm back
assholes are a-plenty.
assholes who know me and my IF issues~
-i'm not sure what i have to do to make pregnant women stop complaining about how miserable they are to me. really, i mean, i am now thinking that the only way i am going to get it to cease is by carving the words "i don't give a fuck and i don't feel sorry for you b/c i am infertile" across my forehead. oh, how i wish i had a forehead the size of tyra banks' for this very instance.
-also, don't say "OMG you don't use the infertile excuse do you?" this was in the context of me talking about how my patients families always ask me if i have kids, why i don't, don't i like kids, don't i want any, and on and on until they see me wrapping the cord to my computer that i am charting on around my neck. so, yes, to avoid answering 1,954,789 questions and having them give me the stink eye b/c they think i don't like kids, especially theirs, i drop the we've been trying for awhile and have had no luck. so, you arrogant fertile asshole who looked appalled when i mentioned this when i was not even talking to you-go fuck yourself.
assholes in clinical~
-asshole #1
while doing a 2 yr old well child check the other week i had to answer annoying questions from a mother who was obviously a fan of the crack pipe. she was asking me things like "why can't i get her to eat more cake and cookies, should i be concerned that she doesn't like to eat that stuff?" you get the picture. anyway, here's the rest of our conversation:
me: (nonchalantly)"do you have any other children"
crack pipe hooker: "8" and then chuckles
me: (quietly crapping in my nice pantaloons) "8!"
crack pipe hooker: "yea, but don't worry, this one is the only one i have custody of."
me: "uggghh, well thank God for that"
crack pipe hooker: "what?"
me: "oh, nothing, just double checking my charting"
-asshole #2
i was seeing a 2 month old for their well child check and the mom who was 21 (i asked) says to me,
skanky fertile: "so, when do you think i should try for another one?" she is asking me this while ignoring her 2 mo old on the exam table and her 5 year old is tearing up the exam room and running his g-damn trucks into my shoes.
me: "what is the hurry, this one is only 2 mo old and you should take some time off of your personal crusade to populate the world with hillbillies to enjoy him."
skanky fertile: "i know, it's just my mom is bothering me to move out and i want another baby and i have a friend who has been trying to have a baby for a couple months and isn't having any luck. i don't want that to be me."
me: "yes, you have to watch that - infertility is very catchy. i would cut all ties w/ her and have sex w/ every man you can find until you are knocked up again. and, who wants their own place! good for you! suck the life out of your mother as long as you can! and, don't worry about me! i love working my ass of in school so i can have a good income and pay for your little ratty bastards! i love it! u go have fun, someone may as well. and, by the way, don't stand too close to me. boogity boogity."
dammit. i really need a new attitude.
and, i love jj;)
assholes who know me and my IF issues~
-i'm not sure what i have to do to make pregnant women stop complaining about how miserable they are to me. really, i mean, i am now thinking that the only way i am going to get it to cease is by carving the words "i don't give a fuck and i don't feel sorry for you b/c i am infertile" across my forehead. oh, how i wish i had a forehead the size of tyra banks' for this very instance.
-also, don't say "OMG you don't use the infertile excuse do you?" this was in the context of me talking about how my patients families always ask me if i have kids, why i don't, don't i like kids, don't i want any, and on and on until they see me wrapping the cord to my computer that i am charting on around my neck. so, yes, to avoid answering 1,954,789 questions and having them give me the stink eye b/c they think i don't like kids, especially theirs, i drop the we've been trying for awhile and have had no luck. so, you arrogant fertile asshole who looked appalled when i mentioned this when i was not even talking to you-go fuck yourself.
assholes in clinical~
-asshole #1
while doing a 2 yr old well child check the other week i had to answer annoying questions from a mother who was obviously a fan of the crack pipe. she was asking me things like "why can't i get her to eat more cake and cookies, should i be concerned that she doesn't like to eat that stuff?" you get the picture. anyway, here's the rest of our conversation:
me: (nonchalantly)"do you have any other children"
crack pipe hooker: "8" and then chuckles
me: (quietly crapping in my nice pantaloons) "8!"
crack pipe hooker: "yea, but don't worry, this one is the only one i have custody of."
me: "uggghh, well thank God for that"
crack pipe hooker: "what?"
me: "oh, nothing, just double checking my charting"
-asshole #2
i was seeing a 2 month old for their well child check and the mom who was 21 (i asked) says to me,
skanky fertile: "so, when do you think i should try for another one?" she is asking me this while ignoring her 2 mo old on the exam table and her 5 year old is tearing up the exam room and running his g-damn trucks into my shoes.
me: "what is the hurry, this one is only 2 mo old and you should take some time off of your personal crusade to populate the world with hillbillies to enjoy him."
skanky fertile: "i know, it's just my mom is bothering me to move out and i want another baby and i have a friend who has been trying to have a baby for a couple months and isn't having any luck. i don't want that to be me."
me: "yes, you have to watch that - infertility is very catchy. i would cut all ties w/ her and have sex w/ every man you can find until you are knocked up again. and, who wants their own place! good for you! suck the life out of your mother as long as you can! and, don't worry about me! i love working my ass of in school so i can have a good income and pay for your little ratty bastards! i love it! u go have fun, someone may as well. and, by the way, don't stand too close to me. boogity boogity."
dammit. i really need a new attitude.
and, i love jj;)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
i bid you adieu..
..for now, my internet friends. while i love nothing more than having a public complaining forum for all the a-holes that invade my airspace, i simply don't have time right now to write about it. this last year of grad school is busy- fall semester alone- 15 credits, 250ish clinical hrs and work makes for no fun for me.
i often sit in morning rounds at the hospital and think of many hilarious things while listening to the douche bag residents, but by the time i get home i am too tired to write about it or have some stupid waste of time paper that i have to work on instead.
so, until we resume our infertility treatments, (which i still have no idea when that will be), or someone has a giant case of asshole-itis, i am taking a blog vacation.
i will catch up with you all again when i return.
i often sit in morning rounds at the hospital and think of many hilarious things while listening to the douche bag residents, but by the time i get home i am too tired to write about it or have some stupid waste of time paper that i have to work on instead.
so, until we resume our infertility treatments, (which i still have no idea when that will be), or someone has a giant case of asshole-itis, i am taking a blog vacation.
i will catch up with you all again when i return.
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